Our rules state that “Prior approval must be obtained from our Congregation’s rabbi in order for anyone other
than a Rabbi or Cantor of our Congregation to perform graveside services.” Our current rabbi does not want to approve anyone other than Jewish clergy — and we have a current request from a family that is having a secular ‘celebration of life’ service (not at the cemetery) and then will be burying the cremains the following day in our Reform cemetery. Our clergy is unavailable when the family wants to hold the service, so they are requesting that one of the family members can officiate. One of our rabbi’s concerns is that if he allows lay people to officiate, someone will start competing with the clergy and families will start using the other alternative (likely at a lower cost). We don’t like the idea of burying someone’s remains without any Jewish content (at least Kaddish and El Mole Rachamim), but have allowed a member of the cemetery committee on occasion to fill in for clergy – or a trusted family member. We also bury non-Jewish spouses in one cemetery – and we do not allow clergy of that person’s faith to officiate in our cemetery. Given that situation, we don’t feel comfortable requiring the family to use Jewish clergy for a non-Jew….and a trusted family member might be a much more appropriate officiant.
My question is….what do other Jewish cemeteries require? Must every burial have Jewish clergy officiating? Our rabbi indicated that in Los Angeles, Jewish clergy is always required — but that doesn’t mean that everywhere that is the requirement. And perhaps all LA cemeteries bury only Jewish people?
Thank you very much for considering this question and responding. We are getting pressure and need to respond to it. Our goal is to help grieving families, not to make the burial a source of contention.